Pub Series: Story 3 Killer Instinct
by RachelStonebreaker
Summary: *COMPLETE* Meriadoc, Peregrin, and Frodo brawl with Ted Sandyman as only the Brandybuck-Took-Baggins can
1. Thin Ice

Authors notes: I do not own these wonderful hobbits. Mr. JRR Tolkien does. My intent is to provide reading material for other Pervy Hobbit Fanciers such as myself without causing too much spinning in JRRT's grave. To this effect I do not write slash, I try to keep the ages correct and restrict my use of anachronistic contrivances.  
  
This chapter rated G.  
  
Please feel free to review. I'm so sad to see so few reviews on many of what I consider decent stories. If you like someone's work, let them know. If you think it could use improving, let them know. If you think it stinks, well, remember what your mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, run for office".  
  
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Killer Instinct  
  
Chapter 1: Thin Ice  
  
Ted Sandyman could be a self-important officious lumpkin. Pippin finished his second half pint and looked to his cousins to see if they were ready for another. It had been over an hour and the loud mouth had been waxing on about how his father was the smartest hobbit this side of the North Farthing for the lucrative deals he'd been making with some "friends" in Bree.  
  
Frodo and Merry tried their level best to ignore Ted and Pippin both. Ted for his cheekiness in declaring nearly everyone else present to be idiots and Pippin for his energetic enthusiasm about everything and everyone who popped into his head. They'd hoped to have a quiet evening at the pub. Not so this eve.  
  
Ted once again reiterated how his father had sold 4 barrels of South Farthing weed to some dealers in Bree for a substantial profit. Now, why couldn't the Master of Buckland make such a wonderful deal with his own weed? Probably because of it's inferior quality. No, it was just his own lack of business sense. No, it really must be his own sheer stupidity.  
  
Ted had had enough ale, that was the truth to be told. Everyone near enough to hear (and that was the entire pub at this moment) cringed at his last statements. Everyone except Meriadoc and Peregrin. Merry was studiously surveying the wall just above Ted's head and Pippin was going on again about how bonny glorious the new barmaid looked in her bright yellow bodice.  
  
The miller's son was looking for a fight. This was sure. But Merry wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of rising to the bait. He could stand a lot of taunting, he had over 25 cousins living in Brandyhall at any given time and they all were grand masters at derision, hazing, and ridicule.  
  
~ TBC 


	2. Conker

Authors notes: I do not own these wonderful hobbits. Mr. JRR Tolkien does. My intent is to provide reading material for other Pervy Hobbit Fanciers such as myself without causing too much spinning in JRRT's grave. To this effect I do not write slash, I try to keep the ages correct and restrict my use of anachronistic contrivances.  
  
  
  
I rewrote chapter 1 to fit the style of the next chapters. Nothing significant, just a few word changes and a more consistent use of paragraphs.  
  
This chapter rated PG for nasty language. If you're old enough to figure it out you're probably old enough to read it.  
  
Review. Most authors love to hear how they're doing. If you like someone's work, let them know. If you think it could use improving, let them know. If you think it stinks, well, remember what your mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, use your fists and deck the SoB".  
  
********************  
  
Killer Instinct  
  
Chapter 2: Conker  
  
Ted voiced his opinion again, louder, sure that this time, the snotty Brandybuck would rise to the challenge. Ted was treading on thin ice and didn't even know it. In fact for a hobbit who had lived in the Shire all his life, he should have had more brains than to taunt Meriadoc Brandybuck.  
  
Slow to anger, or so it seemed, Merry appeared to have the temperament of an old work pony. Easy going, desiring not much more than a comfortable place to lounge and something good to eat. But Merry worked at that image. Daily. He was anything but easy going; calculating might be more like it and right now he knew he had better calculate on leaving before his temper got the best of him and he decked the smart-aleck miller's son.  
  
Snagging Pippin's arm before the youngest Took could make his way to the bar for another, Merry suggested they leave.  
  
But he'd not had nearly the ale he'd been saving up for, what with it being Saturday night and all and two just wasn't going to do and please, Merry, doesn't the new barmaid look luscious? Pippin gently pulled back in an attempt to break Merry's grip. Frodo just stood up, laid coin on the table for the bill and led the way out the door.  
  
Ted beat them all outside. It was probably the cocky swagger of Ted's friends Dro and Adan who followed the three cousins out the door that started it. It could have been Ted's hand shoved in Merry's chest. Or it could have been that the moon laid full and heavy on the horizon and Merry was thinking on a million past slights that the overbearing conker continuously threw his way.  
  
Frodo walked calmly past Ted without a word or a glance. Pippin made one last ditch to extricate himself from Merry's grasp. Merry started after Frodo, all but dragging an obviously unhappy cousin. Pippin stared at Ted. I COULD be having another right now, thank you very much.  
  
Such a puppy, to be led away by his master for being disobedient. Ted could come up with some incredibly rude things to say. Are you going to lick his feet when you get home or is there some other treat for you to lick?  
  
~ TBC 


	3. Attack

Authors notes: I do not own these wonderful hobbits. Mr. JRR Tolkien does. My intent is to provide reading material for other Pervy Hobbit Fanciers such as myself without causing too much spinning in JRRT's grave. To this effect I do not write slash, I try to keep the ages correct and restrict my use of anachronistic contrivances.  
  
PG for violence. If you're old enough to find this story you've probably seen or heard worse already.  
  
Have you reviewed your fanfic lately? If you like someone's work, let them know. If you think it could use improving, let them know. If you think it stinks, well, remember what your mother said, "If you can't say anything nice about someone, come sit over here by me".  
  
********************  
  
Killer Instinct  
  
Chapter 3: Attack  
  
Dro swore he'd never seen someone move as fast as Merry did as he spun around flinging Pippin 2 metres to the left.  
  
Merry's eyes were wide and mouth agape; then the eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched so hard Dro could hear Merry's teeth grind closed. Adan instinctively stepped back and raised his hands to protect his face. Dro ran back into the pub. A number of onlookers jumped back.  
  
Adrenalin and testerone were screaming through Merry's veins. There was an acrid taste in his mouth. His muscles bunched and his brain clicked into a syncopated thought pattern telling him exactly what had to happen in which order. When some people are faced with a life threatening or intensely humiliating situation, time seems to stand still or go so slowly that with agonizing clearness the next few minutes seem to take on an entire life of their own. The owner has no control. Not so with others. 20 seconds turned into a flash of lightening as Merry's instincts directed the exact movements without any conscious intervention.  
  
As surely as if his actions had been orchestrated and honed, he seized Ted by the shirt front, yanking the astonished hobbit through the short distance separating them. Twisting his hand in the linen and raising Ted off the ground a mere inch, Merry's other hand snapped to Ted's neck. The first hand pulled him in closer. They were now nose to nose. Ted could smell the beer on Merry's breath. Merry could smell the terror on Ted's. Ted felt the tell-tale prickle in his armpits of severe panic just before his gonads shrank up into his groin. He knew he could be all but dead in less than a minute. Fueled by the ancient reactions inbred in all males in the most intense of competitions, Merry nearly strangled Ted. He just may have if not for Frodo forcing his way between the two meshed bodies.  
  
Merry tried his best to ignore his older cousin struggling to break his grip on the miller's son. He pushed forward as Frodo wedged his shoulder between the antagonists. All three were now breathing hard, Merry with the glazed eyes of defiance, Frodo with determination to stop this insane event, and Ted with acute horror. Merry was the largest of the three and although both Frodo and Ted were working against him, he still managed to back the trio up against a tree. Ted's head thunked against the bark as Merry jacked him up and back.  
  
~ TBC 


	4. Resolution

Authors notes: I do not own these wonderful hobbits. Mr. JRR Tolkien does. My intent is to provide reading material for other Pervy Hobbit Fanciers such as myself without causing too much spinning in JRRT's grave. To this effect I do not write slash, I try to keep the ages correct and restrict my use of anachronistic contrivances. Catch me and correct me when you find the errors, please.  
  
Answering the question by Fool of a Took ~ I'm being "creative" again. I guess I should just stick to standard writing and not try any fancy stuff. But other writers are so ingenious at doing something different that I HAD to try my own hand. Not too swift, I guess. I intentionally left out quotation marks on all of the dialog. I changed the phrasing to try to work with this. It didn't come off as well as I would have liked. I'm reminded of the artist Matisse. I LOVED his early works. A truly wonderful painter. And then he had to go muck it all up by putting in garish colors and childish lines. Buggered it up in my opinion. I read that he was bored painting in the traditional methods and had a need to be creative, to experiment. So he changed his style and is still bashed today by traditionalists. I don't like his later works, but I can appreciate that he was trying something different. And I'm not even as good a writer as Matisse was an artist before I started to experiment.  
  
OK ~ up for vote ~ should I rewrite this story to be more readable with quotes or can it stand alone with my odd variation? VOTE early VOTE often (by leaving a review)…..  
  
This chapter rated PG for violence. If you read the last chapter and didn't faint then you can read this one. It's the same weasely rating, nothing really bad, but I believe in proper ratings.  
  
Thanks for the reviews. I check every day to see if someone likes what I'm writing. If you like someone's work, let them know. If you think it could use improving, let them know. If you think it stinks, well, remember what your mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it anonymously, let everyone know who you are".  
  
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Killer Instinct  
  
Chapter 4: Resolution  
  
Merry was so white hot furious that everyone watching knew without a shadow of a doubt he would dash out Ted's brains on the tree if Ted so much as blinked.  
  
Merry, no! Frodo fiercely whispered in Merry's ear. Frodo could see Merry's dilated pupils and feel Ted's nose against his cheek. Frodo tried to reason with Meriadoc --- this serves no purpose but an ill end. Frodo blinked, his lashes brushing Merry's cheek. Frodo now had his arm jammed up between Merry's two arms but he did not apply force. He was too afraid of the reaction. He managed to place his hand on Merry's opposite shoulder. Whether it was his voice, his hand, his own body wedged between the two or who knows, but something triggered a reaction in Merry who relaxed ever so slightly.  
  
Ted gasped. Frodo wormed his fingers into Merry's hand clenching Ted's shirt, stepping between the two and nearly flattening Ted in his attempt to get Merry to back down even more. All this took place in less than half a minute.  
  
Just as quickly as it started the clash ended. Dropping both hands and turning around Merry strode through the crowd. Everyone nearly fell over themselves trying to get out of the way of the enraged hobbit. Everyone except the youngest Took. He stood, mouth open, eyes wide, stunned into silence for once. Merry bowled him over without a thought.  
  
As Ted stepped forward the blood drained from his head and he staggered. Frodo glared at him with a look that said more than any words could ever convey. Ted was damned lucky to be alive and he had better not EVER try that again. Ted managed a weak nod in acquiescence to the unspoken caution. The crowd had started to dissipate now that the excitement was over and all that was left of the original trouble were three hobbits feeling quite unlike socializing. Ted was humiliated beyond speaking, Frodo was aghast at the whole event and Pippin was bewildered as to why Merry had run him over instead of rejoicing that he had "won the fight".  
  
After recovering his breath and settling his wits Ted was ashamed to see his hands shook violently. At least he hadn't wet himself. He'd heard about how Paddy Bracegirdle had peed his pants six years ago when he and Merry had come to blows and Merry had gotten the best of him in a similar situation. It was over an hour before Ted's nerves calmed enough for him to be able take his hands out of his pockets and not see them tremble. His pride never recovered.  
  
~ TBC 


	5. Next Stop

Authors notes: I do not own these wonderful hobbits. Mr. JRR Tolkien does. My intent is to provide reading material for other Pervy Hobbit Fanciers such as myself without causing too much spinning in JRRT's grave. To this effect I do not write slash, I try to keep the ages correct and restrict my use of anachronistic contrivances.  
  
To comment back to Lia Galanodel ~ sorry this isn't at all like Class Distinction. It was written to appeal to a different audience. But I agree with you, I like the other better and will probably stick with that sort of style in the future.  
  
This chapter rated G. Sorry, couldn't think of anything to spice it up. It's just a sweet "ah isn't that nice" kinda ending.  
  
Has anyone noticed that this line changes in each chapter? If you like someone's work, let them know. If you think it could use improving, let them know. If you think it stinks, well, remember what your mother said, "If you can't say anything nice, go home".  
  
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Killer Instinct  
  
Chapter 5: Next Stop  
  
The whole event should never have happened, Frodo was explaining to the baffled Pippin as they walked back to Bag End.  
  
Why was Frodo so upset? Why had Merry just ploughed through Pip like he was a pile of leaves to be thrown to the side? WHAT was the big deal?  
  
One more time, how to explain? Heavy sigh. The last time Merry had lost his temper like that was when Paddy (Padaros Bracegirdle) had accused him of using the Brandybuck name to bribe the judges in declaring him the winner at the pony pulling contest during the Mid-summer faire 6 years past. Merry had worked long and hard with his father's biggest pony to become the best team. But Paddy was envious, petty, and poorly brought up. Being 14 years older, larger and less drunk should have been able to hold his own. But there was something in Merry that rarely let itself out and when it did, no one could stand up to him. If hobbits had a killer instinct then this would have been the label. But they didn't. So it went without a name. This trait was the primary reason Meriadoc's father had forbidden him to speak out in anger let alone brawl, at ANY time, under ANY circumstance after he was 27 (the fateful Padaros-incident-year). Merry was to be Master of Buckland someday and had to learn to curb his temper. Surely Pippin could understand that. He himself was to be Thain and was constantly being groomed for the responsibilities that position required.  
  
Yes, but, no harm was done, so there's no need to be so upset, now, is there? Pippin took Frodo's hand in his like he did when he was younger and was trying to get attention. It was hard being the youngest cousin. No one took him seriously.  
  
Perhaps because Pippin was never serious…  
  
Now Pippin sidled up to Frodo and matched steps with him and looked up. His second defense against being ignored.  
  
Such innocent eyes…. Would he never understand that ones' actions are held up and scrutinized by those one would lead? No, probably never. It wasn't in that head with the unruly hair and quick grin to ever think twice about reactions to intentionally veiled threats and outright attacks on one's character. Pippin, the ever optimist. Oh, to be so young, let us hope he never is forced to grow up.  
  
Pippin echoed that thought though in his Pippin-esque naivety, not knowing exactly what he was agreeing to. But he had achieved his goal, Frodo was now smiling. Next stop, Meriadoc!  
  
  
  
The End 


End file.
